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alrighty then! I'm Yuchieh aka Joey327..(whatever! :p) This is my online journal.
March 26, 2002
"funny how one can learn to grow numb to the madness and block it all away." -- Mariah Carey.
For some strange reasons, I wish I could grow numb to the madness in my life and block it all away. Sadly, I can never do it, they always seem to come back and haunt me. I've always been this very unhappy boy, my mom has tried her hardest to make me happy. She has given me so much in life, but she forgot one thing: LOVE. I don't need the fancy clothes or all those other lil' accessories in my life. I just want to feel loved. As far as I can remember, I have never really felt this magical thing. Rejection isn't easy for anyone, and it is definitely not easy for me. To be honest with you, I get rejected a lot! This is the reason why I always try so hard to find love because I know love won't come to me. As I find out more about my sexuality, I've realized that finding "love" would be even harder. Mr. T was the first guy I fell in love with after I came out from the closet. As you probably have guessed, things didn't work out. He was in love with somebody else and still very much in love actually. I didn't care if I was rejected because that's not important to me anymore, I just wanted to be around him. Is that too much to ask for? We have not talked ever since I told him about my feelings. So, why do I still care? I don't know..am I a fool? Perhaps. Am I stupid? Perhaps. Am I lost? Perhaps... I'm just a guy looking for love. Whatever happens between Mr. T and I, I hope we could always be friends. I'll always love my TiMMieBoi.
"Guardian angel, I sail away on an ocean with you by my side. Orange clouds roll by, they burn into your image, you're still alive..you're always alive."
March 27, 2002
I can't believe I can be so enthusiastic about this online journal. I've never liked writing journals much.
Anyways, I had to get an oil change for my car just now, and a moment ago, the Firestone guy called me and told me that he needed to do a tire rotation (whatever that is), wheel alignment and all these other stuff. I feel like I've been ripped off 'cause the price he told me over the phone was $59+!! I wish there was a way for me to express how stoned I was when I heard that. Maybe I should I just go back to my Toyota dealer next time.
To be continued..
I just got back from Firestone! The service advisor kindly explained the charges and the things they've done for me. Overall, I was pretty satisfied. You won't believe how easy it is for me to drive now! Woohoo!
March 30, 2002
can I say today's my lucky day?
I finally got laid this morning. I never thought I'd do it with another guy, especially when I'm not in love with him. He's not a total stranger to me. I met him at this APC-OC meeting a month ago. It was a nice first time, though, I have to add 2 hours was a tad too long. (jeheheeh) I liked how he kissed my ears and it felt good to be touched. He was very sweet and pateint with me! I told him we'd still be friends, but what if he wants more? I remember saying to Tiny Tim once that I'd only do it with a guy that I truly love, but now I've done the total opposite. Does that make me a bad person? One might not say so, but I feel so guilty for not keeping my words. Anyways, Tiny Tim IMed me this morning! We finally talked! Yay us! I told him 'bout what happened earlier and he was proud of me. Somehow, that's not what I wanted to hear from him. Then again, he'd never cheat on his boyfriend. He loves him too much. I wonder if I could ever love someone like how Timmie loves his boyfriend...
I guess today is indeed my lucky day
*one thing about relationships is that they always look prettier from outside*
April 07, 2002
So, what's going on with me? I'm in love with the man I first slept with. Funny, huh? Let's just call him JTT. He makes me feel like I'm on top of the world and the most important thing is that I feel so comfortable being with him. I'd really love to be with him, but this age difference is a tad too much for me to handle. Raymond and Steve (JTT's friends) are crazy 'bout each other and although Steve is almost 30 years Raymond's senior, they just seem so happy together. Please don't get me wrong, JTT isn't THAT old! lol! I really don't know where we'd go from here. He asked me on the phone before he left for the Philippines if I liked him in the way he's interested in loving me. I couldn't see the two of us actually being together, so I kinda of turned him down. Ironically, my feelings for him are overtaking me. It wasn't so evident when he was still here with me, but I've found myself hopelessly in love with him after he left. ha-ha! Life is just full of surprises, no? He'll be back in two weeks and if I still can't get him out of my mind by then..I know what I'd have to do.
I often pray to God asking Him to send me love and I think he has heard my prayers. Right now, I just hope everything will work out fine.
*Plays Rick Nelson's "I'm Confessing"*
P.S. School starts tomorrow!! Are you kidding me?! Raaaah! :(
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